Saturday, March 8, 2014

Rebuilding from the Dirt, Up.

I just wanted to give a brief update of what has been going on with me. It's been quite a long time since I posted. This post won't be full of analytical discussions.

Since August, God has been tearing down everything that I thought I believed and starting over again. You can see the beginnings of what he was teaching me in that last post from August. However I have realized how important it is to have the basic understandings of the Christian faith before adding on to it or building onto it.

Mostly I have been re-learning about what it really is that Jesus did for us. That Jesus was both God and man and what that really means to me. God has been teaching me His nature and what that means as far as limiting Himself. Yes God has limits that he put on himself. He cannot lie and he cannot be unfaithful to us.

I have also been questioning the Charismatic church. Not for their beliefs in the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but pretty much everything else they believe in. The constant moaning and crying for revival. The inner healing rooms. The interwoving of New Thought and New Age practices. The focus on experiences and tingling feelings. The focus on God's love instead of also His Holiness, His Faithfulness, His Righteousness.

In the past 2 months, God has been blessing us miraculously. We have had several miraculous provisions and it's been incredible. I know that I don't deserve what he is pouring out on us and it's hard for me to accept it at times. I've been convicted in my heart that that's how I need to feel about what Jesus did on the cross too. It's undeserving. It's amazing. It should cause a person to be speechless and overcome with Joy!

Also in these past few months, has been a lot of struggles too. My sister's brain cancer is growing and she has been suffering with the chemo treatments. My health has been suffering lately as well. I have more vision loss and have had numbness on the left side of my body. My head has not been feeling right and writing big long, thought provoking analytical posts have not been possible. Reading long posts can trigger these feelings and I just haven't been able to do it.

We finally have trash service again. I cried when we got enough money extra to pay for this to come back on. Sometimes it's the small things in life that make you happy and appreciative!

This is the reality of what's been going on and I don't partake in the idea that we have to pretend everything is ok to have faith. Things have been tough but God has proven himself once again to be faithful. Sometimes I may think his timing is slow, but I have to trust him because he is the only reason why we have made it through. If I cannot trust him in his time, then who or what am I really putting my faith in? Faith in my faith? Faith in a person's teaching? When a person thinks "they did it right" it does not produce good fruit. It simply produces a sense of superiority or self-righteousness and that's something that I want God to burn out of me. I want there to be none of me in my testimony and ALL of HIM.  Sadly I see a lot of this "I did it right, so let me sell you a book" from ministers. I also see a lot of people who God graciously healed and these people go on to attack the sick who struggle to receive their healing. I want nothing of that. If I look like a fool, or an idiot and I do everything wrong, then all the more glory to God when he delivers us and sets us free.

That is it for now. Blessings to everyone!