If you read my blog, you know that 2014 was full of challenges for me.
One area that has been tried is my friendships and relationships with people. Disagreements about theology and teachings has cost me several friends last year and this has never been easy for me to deal with. In fact I haven't dealt with it at all. When someone distances themselves or unfriends me on FB, I'm not the kind of person that says, "Well fine I didn't want to be your friend anyway!"... I'm the kind of person that's agonizing over the post or the thing that caused that person to feel so angry that they hit the unfriend button or to keep them from talking to me. I will think about how I shouldn't have said anything at all. I will drive myself mad at times with all of the, "I shouldn't haves".
Well yesterday I realized that I need to finally let go of these people. It has been going on for longer than I'd like to admit (since summer), but I really feel like God is nudging me to let go and to move on. This is not about needing to forgive, but it is more about feeling sorrow and sadness about losing people who I thought were my friends. Somewhere along the way though me caring so deeply for them and hanging on has actually become detrimental to my walk now.
I got a prophetic word in July where God was telling me to let Him deal with the people and that I am not violating my relationships and that I'm simply walking into the things He has for me. That was really important for me to hear at that time because I was second guessing every single thing and it is why I took a long break from FB.
I thought I was good, but yesterday I realized there is more that God needs to heal though. This is the first time in a while that I was feeling this nudge from God to do something, so I know it is very important. I have to obey and follow His lead.
God has also given me various dreams that I am only now understanding their significance. There was one where I was in a car and a person asked if they could get a ride to work. I said sure, no problem at all! Well somewhere along the trip, there was a car wreck at the bottom of a hill and they just got out of the car to check it out. I was yelling at them to come back in the car, but they did not. Traffic started to move and I'm yelling at my dad who is driving to stop and go back. My dad said "We have to keep moving" and I got mad and hit my dad on the head with a folder I had in my hand. haha!!! It's very obvious in this dream my dad is symbolic for God. I kept looking back and yelling at my dad to go back for them. I was so sad in the dream that my friend got out and we moved on without them...
Only now I am finally understanding how significant this dream was for me. God is saying I have to let go. I have to stop looking back. I have to because these people are no longer part of my walk. They are the ones who chose to get out of the car. I did not push them out. There are other things in this dream God is showing me, but for this post I won't get into them here.
Yesterday I made the decision that I am not looking back anymore and I am letting go. Making this decision is the first step, but now I have to allow God to heal me in His time and I have to obey Him in where and how He wants me to walk from now on.
I wrote this blog post only because it might help someone else who has been in the same situation with their Christian friends. It is time to move on and I'm trusting that God will help me and heal me and perhaps bring us some new local and long distance friends that we can connect with.
