Uh What is this about?

I remember I posted some weeks back saying that I was the thinnest I had been for a long time. It was a nice! Well... in the past 2 weeks, I've gained so much weight that I am now the heaviest I've been for a long time. How the HELL does this happen to me? I feel like a balloon ready to pop and I suspect it's from the beta-blocker. I am holding onto so much water it's not even funny. I know this weight is not fat because my face and eyes are also very puffy and I haven't changed anything in my diet.

Seriously like 3 weeks ago I was thinking that I'd take myself to the store to buy new smaller jeans and now I'm thinking I'll have to go up a size. How does one gain like 11 pounds in 2 weeks?

I'm soo depressed because of this. My pants look terrible on me. I had a pair of skinny jeans I wore fairly often (and liked how I looked in them) and now they look terrible. AHHHHHH. I hate this!

Not Something I'm Proud Of

I've gained 20 pounds since starting hormone replacement. Let me tell you this does not make me very happy...at all. I tried telling myself that it would "calm down", but I have been on an upward trend for months now and I don't see this changing anytime soon.

Since I can't tolerate Armour I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Is this my true weight rather than the adrenal insufficient, dying weight I was before? Or is this just hypothyroid rearing its head!

This alone is making me extremely depressed and I'm probably going to have to buy new pants again. That's what the 3rd time now in 3 months? I scare the shit out of myself when I enter this zone because I see the anorexic me come back instantly. The anorexic me that caused all these health problems to begin with. I was a normal, healthy person before I went and starved myself yet here I am thinking that cutting my calories back even further is a good thing.

My heart rates have been up again. The florinef is not keeping them in check anymore, so I feel like nothing is better. Today was absolutely beautiful outside, but as soon as I stepped outside and went to look at my flowers---BAM 147 heart rate--You can't do anything when your heart is that high except gasp for air and look for the nearest place to sit down.

I am pissed off and not in a good mood.

Terrible Shin Pain Today

My left shin is hurting so bad today. I have no idea what is causing this as I didn't do a damn thing yesterday. It was hurting last night too, but didn't think much of it.

I was on a higher dose of HC and I wonder what is happening. I've had shin pain when on 27.5mg of HC, so I'm not convinced it's only from the HC. Maybe my thyroid has finally decided to stop working. I've been having a lot of hoarseness in my voice. I have also been having trouble swallowing and eating food. Stuff keeps getting stuck down there as it moves into the esophagus. The doc wanted me to up my nighttime dose to see if I slept better and sadly I have been. I'm not feeling good throughout the rest of the day though.

I think tomorrow I'm going to try 10, 10, 7.5 10. It's really a weird way to dose HC, but the doc told me to try the 10mg at night for a full week. I'm not about to abandon that idea right now.

I'm also very agitated and annoyed today. Now that can be a sign of too much HC, so I'll have to keep an eye on things. In addition to that I've gained another 8 lbs! Yay. That does a lot for the self-esteem.

Not Much To Report

It's been quiet. My blood work still isn't back from the doctor, so I just continue to wait.

Unfortunately cutting back on the salt has not made all of the weight go away, so today I bought 4 new pairs of pants. Hopefully this will keep me covered for a while. I can tell it is ALL water weight though. My calves are very full looking again and I have been even more strict with my diet. Nothing is helping at all.

I hope this week I find out whether or not I have adrenal antibodies.

I raised my florinef yesterday. Now I am taking 1/4 tab, twice a day. It's helping me, but not enough yet!

I Already Feel Less Bloated

I'm not great, but I can already tell a difference in the bloat. Last night though was quite hellish to say the least. I woke up like 5 times having major night sweats. I don't know if that was my body's way of shedding the extra water or what.

I was dying of heat for most of the night and had to kick the cat away from my feet and move my husband over to the other side of the bed! haha I was burning up and dying of thirst. I gulped down 16 ounces of water in about 10 seconds and was still desert mouth (that's what I call it). Obviously this is something OTHER than diabetes insipidus because I took my meds at 11:30 PM last night. I went to bed pretty late last night because I was working, but the meds should have last well through out the night and into the today.

When I woke up my pee was a normal dark color so it is working, but it didn't stop the dying of thirst feeling I'm getting. I am drinking more water right now to see when my thirst goes away. Obviously my body wants the water, so I'm drinking to see how much it wants.

The constant battling of dehydration is so damned irritating. I don't know anyone else that goes through this and it really pisses me off.

I lost 4 pounds from yesterday. My legs feel thinner. I can see more definition in the muscles, so the salt is cut...for now.

Salt Supping Is Making Me Blow UP!

Well I've finally figured out what is making me gain so much weight and I think it's the salt supping.

I've put on 12lbs since I start adding a little sea salt in water 2-3 times a day depending upon my salt wasting symptoms. My entire body looks puffy and my face looks like a balloon. I don't know what to do. My blood pressure isn't rising at all, so I'm not worried about that.

Not being able to fit into my clothes is a problem though and I've been too sick to deal with trying clothes on in the store. It's also difficult to even FIND pants these days since every store is ready for summer. I hate that...

130 is officially the heaviest I've been in probably about 8 years and I'm certainly not PROUD of that achievement. I'm going to lay off the sea salt and see what happens.

The past 2 weeks have been TERRIBLE for me. The fatigue is out of control. Anything that is stressful or requires extra concentration makes me crash within an hour. I tried target shooting and I couldn't even do it. The noise made me shake and I had a panic attack. Thankfully it was just me and my husband. We came home and I slept for 2 hours or so.

It's been a pretty terrible week, which is why you haven't heard from me.

Time to make coffee or I'll be going back to bed.

Keep Gaining Weight

I keep going up and up. I am now up to 125 pounds. My pants definitely don't fit me now and will probably have to go buy some. This is the heaviest I've been since I married my husband 5 years ago! YIKES! I have to figure this out or I'm going to go crazy.

Being fat is one of my biggest fears. Emotionally I'm already a wreck. It makes me extremely depressed. At one point in my life, I used to self-mutilate by burning lines into my arms with needles. If one looks real close at my forearms you can see the scars, but thankfully they healed pretty well. In the summer, they are more obvious because they won't tan.

My goodness, I don't want to start down that destructive path. I need to get this sorted very soon before it does. Weight gain is no laughing matter for me. It can lead to serious psychological problems.

Weight Gain: I can't take it

In the past few months, I've been dealing with some weight gain. It is very strange though. I go through cycles where I lose a ton of weight for no reason. Then the cycle switches and every little thing I eat goes right to my butt and hips. Meanwhile my upper body looks emaciated and sickly with my ribs jutting out in my back. My body is very fat and puffing, even though I'm thin. There is a lot of fat where muscle used to be. I don't know what has caused this to happen, but my toned legs have become soft. My stomach used to be very toned is soft too.

My arms have nothing left on them and anytime I get my blood pressure taken or blood work done, that's what everyone talks about. "You sure do have small arms". Thanks jackass! I wasn't already self-conscious about it.

It's this cycle that gets me in trouble because I haven't been able to figure it out. My thyroid antibodies were normal and nothing in my diet changes. There is no reason for these cycles to occur, but they do. I have to keep several pants sizes in my house just so I have clothes for each cycle. Weird...I know. The pants I buy to replace the ones I have on, will probably only last me a few weeks. Then I'll have to buy new bigger ones. That's how it's been these past few months. As soon as I wear in the pants, I need new ones because I wake up one day and they no longer fit.

I've gone from wearing a size 1/2 comfortably to being unable to wear my new size 5/6 jeans. I'm going to have to go up to a size 7/8. I haven't been this size for at least 5 years and it is making it very nervous. Eight years ago I suffered from anorexia and almost killed myself from it. I abused Stacker 3's and probably should have died a few times, but somehow I made it through all of that hell. There were some nights, where I didn't think I'd wake up. I'd write goodbye letters to all of my friends.

I went from 142# down to 105# in a few weeks time and kept it there for months. For the first time in my life though, I actually enjoyed clothes shopping. I actually enjoyed going to the beach. I actually enjoyed wearing a pair of shorts. It was absolutely amazing. Too bad though I was dying inside.

I went to the doctor and got "help", which consisted of pills. I had to deal with my psychological problems myself because I didn't want any of this on my record. I was "cured", but it took a lot of time and discipline. My family did not support me through this whatsoever. Thank God, I went off of the pills and didn't suffer from any withdrawal symptoms.

About 2 years ago, I decided I wanted to start eating healthier. We ditched all of the packaged crap in our house and really get back to eating real, whole foods. I went from 125 to 117 in a few weeks time and felt fantastic. I was thinner than when I was anorexic and I did all of this eating 3 meals a day. I was so happy for myself and knew this was the size I was meant to be.

Now I am only 122#, but nothing is fitting me. I have no idea what is going on. I only gained about 5 pounds from when I was wearing a size 2, but apparently these pounds are all in my lower body. Part of me thinks it has to do with my pituitary, but I have no idea.

Unfortunately I just wait and see what happens. Will a new weight loss cycle kick in soon? Or will I continue to put on weight?

Having nearly undetectable TSH (with low frees) might have something to do with it...