Welcoming the Sick into the Church

I saw this article today about fibromyalgia where it is now being admitted it is NOT all in your head. The medical community is just figuring this out decades later...

"Fibromyalgia, a painful condition affecting approximately 10 million people in the U.S., **is not imaginary after all**, as some doctors have believed."

This article underlines why the church has to become THE place where sick can go to for healing, comfort and love. We can't be judging them or disqualifying them for taking a disability check or telling them they don't have enough faith. The rest of the world already does a good job at demeaning the sick, so when they come to the church they don't have any patience for it anymore. They will quickly leave if they feel attacked! I have a soft heart for the sick probably because I've been sick practically my whole life to some degree and I know what they feel and I know what they go through. They did not choose to be sick. They did not think their sickness into existence. They were attacked without permission by the enemy and we need to treat them with LOVE, respect, dignity like Jesus did. Amen!

I don't think the church realizes how much the sick are abused on a daily basis. They are told that they are crazy, lazy for not working, a hypochondriac, "hyper vigilant", just stressed, having anxiety or really not sick at all... In reality they are actually sick, but the medical community has no cures or solutions for them, so they are labeled in these derogatory ways. Here's where it gets messed up, normal healthy people think the doctors labels are accurate, so they then treat the sick poorly too. Many who have not been sick in their lives, simply do not understand how messed up the medical system can be!

The sick are looking anywhere for some help! We as believers can step in and be that help! We are letting the new age, energy counterfeit medicines like acupuncture, mind medicine, energy crystals, energy tapping, chakras, yoga and many other treatments to take over where Jesus reigns above all of those ways. Sick people need to know the amazing story of what Jesus did! No expensive treatments required! lol Jesus is the most powerful and most high healer on earth and he paid the price for our healing. :)

The sick need real help, not just a "feel better about your sickness" pep talk. If they want that, they can go to Barnes and Noble and get that in the new age, self help section. Christianity is supposed to be different and I actually think we are bringing down our message with searching for root causes and making it about the person in front of us. It's always been about Jesus and his amazing, willingful sacrifice for us. He knew exactly what he was doing and he died before we were even born, so we could be saved, healed, delivered and set free. That's a pretty sweet deal!

With all of the stuff that has happened to me in my life, I don't want to focus on myself.  Every time I do that, the enemy sweeps in and tries to get me to stay in shame and condemnation. I'd much rather talk about Jesus, what he did and what he thinks of me! I get rather defensive when people want to talk about my past abuses. Instead of trying to tackle issues as if we were psychologists, we need to trust Holy Spirit to guide us and to heal those who have a hurting past.

I want the sick to have a safe haven with the church. We need to tell the sick they are loved by Jesus. We need to tell them that God did not do this to them. We need to tell them what God thinks of sickness! Many are in bondage over this issue because they think God made them sick for some higher purpose to suffer for him... We need to tell them the parasitic nature of sickness from Satan himself. He is the enemy of God, so he looks for anyone to devour and he attaches sickness to people without permission from God.

We have to stop being afraid to admit that some people are more anointed in healing and miracles than others. We don't seem to have this fear when it comes to other spiritual gifts. There are plenty of prophets, evangelists, singers, teachers and seers who willing place that title on themselves, but when it comes to healing, the church is simply terrified to embrace this. [I suspect this is because of the abuses that occurred from some of these "healers" in the past few decades]. Instead of running from power though, we need to embrace the power given to us by Holy Spirit whether that is prophecy, healing, discerning of spirits, speaking in tongues etc. We are given these gifts by the grace of God to use so that we can build up the church and ultimately bring in the lost, sick and hurting. We believers of Christ give them real hope. We believers of Christ give them real life, real family and a real means of being free from the past and being free from sickness. We need to continue to give them the real Jesus!

Maybe what I'm saying is really bold, but this is really what was on my heart today for some reason. This might be a bit preachy and I'm sorry for that. I say all of this out of love and I want the church to be walking in such power that the world can't turn away and ignore us anymore! I feel like those days are coming.

As I was writing this today, I saw John Mellor post a testimony of a woman being healed of fibromyalgia and several other ailments... SO powerful! Thank you John for devoting your life to Christ and for your dedication to praying for the sick. You have been so instrumental in my healing journey! When I was getting beat up by some teachings, I just kept looking to John for encouragement each day. If any of you are not following him on Facebook, I highly recommend you do. Every day you will get wonderful healing testimonies and be encouraged!  :)

Video of her getting prayer- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HrnMYAS_log
Video of testimony afterwards- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcvBhHUu0s4

I was teary eyed as I watched this and as she hugged her husband. I lost it! haha!!. The joy in her eyes after prayer is amazing. Thank you JESUS! AMEN!!!

And I write all of these posts as I am suffering with my own sicknesses. I am losing more vision. I woke up on Friday morning and had a large gray swath of vision, just gone. I prayed against it for a while and about 2 hours later it improved! There is a new blind spot in that eye and it can be scary to lose vision suddenly, but I have been hopeful despite all of the bad that's going on right now in my life. My financial struggles and health problems are not lord. Jesus is Lord and he will heal me and deliver me from all of this. I know it.

Everyone feel free to email me and comment. I love all of your emails. It's just awesome to hear from you all. :)

The Dangers of Doctrine Becoming Our Identity Instead of Jesus

Before I was saved, since I was sick I used to be very involved in the natural health, chronic illness communities. I used to be the one researching theories, coming up with ideas and trying out different treatment options. I knowingly and willingly made myself a guinea pig in hopes to finding something that may work for all of us.

Over the years I began noticing that people would almost immediately invest their personal identity into a diet, supplement regimen, treatment plan or even a doctor. Other followers would jump on the bandwagon and invest their personal identity in it as well.

When someone came to the group and told them they weren't getting better (or in some cases getting worse), instead of the group having compassion and saying  "I'm sorry this didn't work for you", it became about protecting the doctrine. The blame was always thrown to the sick person and all attention was made on what the sick person did not do right.

"Well you must not have done the diet right"
"I bet your veggies weren't organic"
 "You probably used the wrong form of B12"

They would throw out catch phrases like.

"Everyone sees results".
"Sometimes you get worse before you get better".

Others in the groups learned to regurgitate this and the cycle began over and over again. I have been guilty of this.

I'm seeing this same thing in the church when it comes to grace and healing doctrine. Now in this post I'm going to talk solely on healing.

Jesus is a Healer. No Doubt
One thing I want to make clear is that I believe Jesus is a healer. I believe that if Jesus touched you or me right now, we would be healed of all illnesses. POTS, CFS, blindness, lasting effects from a stroke, MS, arthritis, kidney disease and more. This is demonstrated many times throughout the Bible and throughout the ministry and life of Jesus.

As we look at different healing ministries, we can see that each have their own way of ministering healing prayer. I'm not even going to go into the specifics on those ways in this post.

Similar to the health communities, most churches or ministries set out some sort of plan for you to follow when seeking healing through Jesus. You are to believe in it, act on it and then be healed.

After you've tried the plan or done exactly what it calls for, if you are still not healed and you try to seek help, you will find the church in general is NOT very helpful or encouraging. [This has been my experience.] Immediately the sick person is put in a defensive position because what comes afterward is usually an onslaught of attacks of your character and faith.

"Well you can't possibly have done it all".
"You must have some doubts you don't want to admit to".
"Maybe there's some sin in your life that you just won't let go".
"You don't really believe in your heart Jesus is a healer."
"You probably haven't repented for something you've done".

The church believes if the sick wasn't healed by their approved doctrine, then something is wrong with that sick person. You are labeled as broken and then written off. 

Being a sick person in the church, especially in a church that believes in healing, it is a tough place to be. People become offended at you, simply because you are sick. They see you with sickness and immediately their personal doctrine of healing is attacked. You don't even have to say anything or even do anything...haha! People just become uncomfortable around you especially if you have limitations that are visible on the outside. If you have an invisible illness, you will just be ignored.

As I read online, many sick people are becoming jaded, bitter and completely giving up on getting prayer. Some have completely given up on Jesus being a healer and or have given up on believing in God!

It hurts me when I see people in this place, but I understand why they have come to that point.

When you get prayer from someone and nothing happens, it can be devastating when your healing is focused on man and on a teaching method. You are at a weak place and are looking for anything to comfort you. Unfortunately in those moments, the enemy is also there waiting to destroy you. Sometimes a misguided friend, minister or person at a church will speak lies to you from the enemy, which may be an attempt to shipwreck your journey with the Lord.  

"You must have some secret doubt about healing."
"You're faith is not sufficient for healing"
"You need to read this guy's teaching on healing!"
"Maybe you don't really want to be healed"
"You've made your sickness, your identity. That's the problem!"

If someone has said any of those things to you, I'm sorry that happened! However know that those words spoken to you were not from God.  The enemy can speak to us through other people. He tries to hurt you when you are down and he tries to hurt you when you are making progress too. He just wants to hurt you, period. The enemy will do whatever it takes to get you mad at God and away from seeking a closer relationship with Him!

Sick People Have to Ignore the Mean/Misguided Comments
Sadly the church is not walking in the same love as Jesus. Many people are trying, but we make a lot of mistakes and we say a lot of stupid things to sick people. Many don't believe you can be sick and believe in Jesus as a healer, so they will immediately attack your belief systems. Many don't believe you can be in the will of God for your life and be sick. Many don't believe that God may ask us to walk a journey with Him towards healing, so they say misguided and wrong things that are not true.

I have had my beliefs questioned almost at every healing meeting I've been to and these were from ministers who would deny that they do this to the sick. Who these ministers are in person is very different than what they show online in their videos and in their teachings. The sick must not let these ministers and their followers walk over them like a doormat. Be firm with your beliefs and stand mighty with God. It's important to truly know our identity in Christ and not just know the catchphrases and buzzwords. That way when someone says something dumb to you, you can just laugh it off and move on.

I've even seen people try to boast in the number of people they've seen healed. This only makes the sick person feel even worse because now you are not only telling the sick, something is wrong with them spiritually, you are also boasting.

"Well I've seen hundreds healed".
"Oh well I've seen several thousand healed"
"I see 90% of sick people healed" (You can usually prove this wrong in a single meeting)

As a sick person seeking healing, you have to learn to ignore these people who are in spiritual pride and to find those who have a balanced view of Jesus Christ as healing. You must find those who are encouraging, loving, kind and compassionate. There are people out there who don't blame the sick, but I admit, it is nearly impossible to find them. My advice is always keep seeking God for healing. Don't ever give up, no matter how long it takes and no matter how many prayers it takes. (Authors Edit: Since writing this post in 2013, I no longer go to meetings and get prayer from people because of the abuse I suffered. In Sept of 2013, the Lord called me out of that rat race and told me to get my eyes off of men and to look directly to Him. We obeyed the Lord in this. My husband and I still pray for each other and we continue to seek the Lord from our house, but we rarely if ever go to meetings).

The Church Is Abusing the Sick and Hurting
We tend to beat up the very people in our church coming for help, so it's no wonder the general public refuse to believe in healing and think it's a bunch of con artists. I have found many exaggerate their testimonies, inflate the number or percentage of people they have seen healed and generally blow things out of proportion to make themselves look good. This is all at the detriment of those who are truly suffering and sick.

The church as a whole says such awful things to sick people. You'll be told to read some guy's book, watch this video, go to this conference, but very rarely will you see people offer love, hope, encouragement or any real path for the sick to continue believing for their healing. We teach revelation and knowledge as a means to be healed instead of faith in Jesus Christ.

In the same way that people can make their health theories, sports or politics part of their identity, many have made their favorite healing ministers with their many "revelations" on healing a part of their identity too. For many people it actually ceases being about trusting Jesus and becomes about preaching some doctrine or revelation at whatever cost, no matter who it hurts. Our walks with the Lord are not a regimen like we see in the natural health communities. It is a faith walk that has risks, unknowns and where we are out of control. That means we won't always have perfect answers or have all the loose ends tied.  It's not a 10 step program. It is about knowing your identity through Christ and building your life around that foundation. It's about learning what it means to surrender our will to the Lord and letting His will become more important than what we want in our lives.

When we treat the sick inappropriately or say hurtful things, it directly affects how the sick perceive their Heavenly Father.

Instead of us representing God as good, loving, faithful and caring, many healing ministries are actually representing God as a jerk who is just waiting for us to meet some magical level of faith or revelation that's required to be healed.

It's important to remember throughout this journey that being healed is not the way we know that God loves us or cares about us. If it requires us being healed to know the love, kindness and goodness of God, then that is an unstable foundation that will likely be tested. We see the love of God that He sent His Son Jesus Christ, who then willing sacrificed and suffered for each of us on the cross.

Jesus is the perfect example of how we are to live our lives and minister to others. He was humble, bold, fiercely passionate and yet gentle towards the hurting and rejected. The church are to act as ambassadors of Christ, speaking to HIS people and pleading with them on God's behalf to be reconciled to Him. Whenever our own motives start getting in the way, it becomes more about "doctrine" instead of about Jesus and what he did. Then is when we get into big trouble and can lead people to destructive teachings.

When we tell sick, hurting people inaccurate healing theologies, we are in fact pushing people away from God and setting them up to be disappointed.

Most sick people aren't solid in their relationship with God, so ministers should be building them up in that instead of questioning those areas. I've read countless posts on Facebook and on blogs of people who at one time were seeking prayer for healing and gave up after friends, ministers and people in their church told them how effortless and easy it was to receive healing, only to be disappointed time and time again. Their hope and faith were completely stolen from them and many went to just give up on healing altogether because it was a harder journey than they were prepared to walk.

A Healing Ministry Is About Compassion for the Sick
Praying for healing has never been about us or our ministry. It is about the love of God and wanting to set people free and God wanting to see His children healed. God does not heal because our doctrine is right or because the sick person has"perfect doctrine". We need to take the burden off the sick people. Jesus being a healer is supposed to be good news. Not bad news!

I feel we have placed such a huge burden on sick people and have forgotten about the love and compassion that Jesus had for all. We seem to remember Jesus flipped over tables and yelled at the Pharisees, but we forget that he is also the same person who would go out of his way to help others.  Jesus was looking to rest and pray after hearing John the Baptist was killed, but when he saw the sick, brokenhearted people coming towards him, he was moved with compassion! Instead he went out to help those people in need and even stayed to feed them. This is where the miracle of feeding 5000 took place. Matthew 14

We have so much hurt and frustration in our own hearts about the disappointments we have seen in life, that we can't clearly see to comfort or understand others when they are hurting.

Colossians 3:1-4

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1 Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. 3 For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.

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Let's just be more careful with the way we say things to each other. An unbalanced view of healing can be extremely detrimental to the sick and when these teachings become part of our identity, not only do we hurt ourselves, but also every single sick person we come in contact with.

We have to keep praying and keep an open ear for the Holy Spirit to guide us as we do. Sometimes the Holy Spirit may tell us things we don't want to hear. That was certainly the case with my husband and I when the Lord told us to "wait" for our healing. Perhaps some of the frustration that ministers and sick people have is because we refuse to accept what the Lord is telling us?

If you've been seeking prayer for healing, please comment!! Those who have been rejected by others, please email me. I want to keep in touch with you to encourage you to keep moving forward. Take care. God Bless!

Updated 2016- My beliefs have changed drastically over the last few years, so I decided to clean this article up. Thank you Jesus that you opened my eyes to the unstable foundations I had built my house upon and have now corrected my path.

Trust Jesus As A Healer

I found this on Facebook and thought it was amazing and wanted to share!

*VIDEO* Seeking Healing Through Christ

I made a new video on my "health" channel talking about what it is I have been doing for the past year. This is the first time I have gone completely public with this unless you are of course a blog reader. I felt it was time to talk about it and deal with the naysayers as they come.

Believing that Jesus is a healer today of our physical needs is extremely controversial. I know that most churches preach against this and come up with very peculiar reasons why they don't believe in it.

If you just read the Bible and never step foot inside one of the churches, I don't think most people would be able to come up with these teachings on their own. Scriptures are taken out of context and aren't applied right. Many churches would fail a reading comprehension test. hehe

The church today should look like what is written in the book of Acts after the Holy Spirit fell upon them.  All of this is available to us today because, ⁸ Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Here's the link just in case the embedding breaks. That seems to happen A LOT with blogger.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kSpZiTFzdTc

Update on my vision problems

In the middle of October I made a post about how I started having some issues with my vision. I wanted to give an update on what is going on. I actually don't know all that much more because I am unable to go to the doctors about the problem. At first I thought maybe I had MEWDS or a temporary White Dot syndrome, but now I'm not so sure. We lost our insurance because we are simply too poor to afford it. Both my husband and I are both chronically ill, we receive no disability, compensation or any income coming in from the government or state, so we are between a rock and a hard place. We are too broke to really afford anything at the moment.

In my left eye I still have the same blind spot that I discussed before. It doesn't seem like it's gotten much bigger. The rest of my vision is doing ok in that eye. I get a lot of weird blue dots, flashes, lights and strangeness at all hours of the day, nonstop in both eyes. At night, I have a major light show going on. It's actually distracting at times...

Since I made that post, I am now having issues with my right eye as well. My natural blind spot seems to be enlarged and I have vision loss starting to arc up the side from the blind spot. I am missing some peripheral vision in my right eye as well ever since what I thought was a migraine. Maybe it wasn't...I don't know. In addition to that, I also have scattered blind spots and missing lines of vision too. As far as being able to see, I am doing pretty good! I do catch the glimpses of weird text or spots at certain times though. The blind spots are not dark and completely see through if that makes any sense? My brain is filling in the missing vision with my other eye. The brain is truly amazing! None of the spots are in my center vision so it has not disrupted reading or seeing faces.

I continue to pray for my eyes and seek healing in that area too. Jesus healed blind people in the Bible, so he's done this before and is the same today. I have faith and believe in his healing powers today. Just as I look to Jesus as my Savior, I also look to him as my healer.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Take care everyone.

Painful multiple system atrophy healing

Wow here's the video from the woman I mentioned the other day.

Needs Driven? God Isn't Offended

I saw this amazing testimony on John Mellor's facebook page. A woman planned a trip to receive her healing. She got on a plane to "see John Mellor" and she was instantly healed. Praise God!

Compare what John Mellor said in that status update to what was said in this video I discussed last week, here. It's polar opposites.

"...When we don't see breakthrough, we become so needs driven what we do is go from person to person to person to person to person to try and get our breakthrough and we forget relationship.... Because it can become our identity and instead of our relationship with God and receiving straight from our Father. Because we tried that and it didn't work, so we go to someone else and we want it to work. Then we see a video on TV and we see somebody that's praying for the sick and we schedule a trip to go and drive or fly just to see this guy and it becomes idolatry."

God wasn't offended this woman went to "see John Mellor" to pray for her. This woman doesn't seem very needy now at all. In fact she looks ecstatic and free. I'd imagine she is praising God over and over and over again. I'm SOO happy for her and I'm glad she had the means to find her way to John Mellor.

Thank you God for speaking to this woman through her daughter's healing. She came from 22+ hours (driving distance) away to come see a man of God to pray for her. Now she is set free! If for some reason she is forgetting relationship, I can't see any better way to get someone's attention than to heal them of an incurable, life threatening illness. :) Yay God!

Position Yourself For A Miracle- John Mellor

Since I've been posting things I was not liking out of some ministries, I figured, I needed to post some of the things I do like. Not all ministries are being condemning to the sick.

I really like what John Mellor from Australia has to say about preparing yourself to receive a miracle. Watch this 2 part video.



Part 1
1) Jesus is the healer (Isaiah 53:4-5)
2) Unbelief- True faith is a decision to believe. You cannot reason out a miracle.
3) Confess Sin and Forgive others
4) God loves a Desperate Heart- You can't separate desperation from miracles in the Bible.
5) Willing to pay price for miracle-Giving up disability, benefits, compensations etc
6) Do you want to be healed? Wrong doctrines and attitudes about sickness and healing. Be persistent
7) Your words are important. Words of life. Nothing is too hard for God to heal.

Part 2
8) Don't allow disappointment to take you out. After several prayers this can set in. It can become a barrier. (This is a tough one!!!)
9) Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice.  Jesus took this on the cross for all.
10) Persistence. Just keep going! Even if you've been prayed for 100 times, today is a new day.

I really just love how encouraging John is to the sick. You really don't hear this encouragement from most ministries in the US.

Where's the Love and Compassion for the Sick?

Life with a chronic illness is tough. Not only because of the limitations it brings, but because of the horrible things people say to you about your illness. You ignore it mostly and get over it, but sometimes it can be too much to bear. You tend to keep your sickness to yourself and only tell people when it's absolutely necessary.

Once I learned of the healing power provided to us through Jesus, I thought people in the church and those who believed in laying their hands on the sick would be more understanding about illness. We have the life of Jesus to look upon for how to treat the sick.

And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick." (Matthew 14:14) 

However, I found many do not understand. Sadly, some are downright rude and condescending. They may quote a scripture, but there is nothing loving about what they are saying. :(

A lot of the things said, makes it seem as if some think that a sick person wants to be sick...When was the last time you had a conversation with your friends about wanting sickness in your life?

 "I really want a debilitating, illness with no cure to take over my life! That would be a great experience."

Thinking that sick people want to stay sick or it's their fault in some way is terrible. Jesus did not do this.

I have two general rules:
1) If you would not say what you are about to say to the mother of a child with an illness, then do not say that to an adult with an illness. The age of the person suffering does not change things. If that child did not "deserve" the illness, then neither did the adult. 

2) If you are about to condemn a sick person, by telling them they aren't thinking right, don't have enough faith or something else, then you better be able to use your great faith, lay your hands on that person right now and heal them. Otherwise whatever you are about to tell them is just self-righteousness and not part of Jesus' ministry. 

People who are saying these types of things to sick people, please re-examine your intentions. Why are you saying these things at all?  What are you trying to convey? What effect are you really having on this person?

Most of the time, the stuff said is not from a place of love, compassion and understanding. It is out of self-righteousness and ignorance.

Some people have made it about themselves.

"I'm healthy and feel great, so why aren't you?" "Why can't you just receive your healing?"

If you are in good health and feel you are being called to pray and minister to the sick, please do not look at your own good circumstances and try to apply that to the sick people you are ministering to. Praise God for your good health!! However never ever ever think that these people have poor faith, a bad relationship with God, a curse or something "blocking" their healing. If we start to think and minister like that, we will begin to resent the sick and never have faith for anyone's healing.

Whenever you see a sick or lost person...Imagine them as a child of God needing YOUR help. They are looking for someone to care enough to give them a hand that will do whatever it takes to pull them out of their situation.

Don't just look at a sick person and tell them every reason why they shouldn't be sick.

Here's a few examples of what I mean.

"You know you have already been healed. Now you just need to reach for it and receive!"
"Jesus died for you 2000 years ago, it's finished and done! Just take it!"

Yes, I agree with everything above. However practically speaking what does that mean to a sick person who is struggling with getting that healing? Instead of telling them why they should already be healed (when they aren't), how about grab that person by the hand and bring them the power of God. If you can't bring them that healing through your own faith, then dare I say, you don't have any right to say anything about their faith.

The very last thing a sick person needs to hear is more condemnation. Think for a moment the amount of condemnation that is presently in a sick person's life. They likely feel they are letting their family and friends down. They are unable to fulfill obligations or support the household due to their illness. They have had to let go a lot of the things they love in life.

The sickness itself is doing a good enough job.

Sick people do not need someone to lay it on even thicker. It's not going to make the sick person feel good and will likely leave them worse off than before they talked to you. Sick people don't need reminded of the things they can't do.

Condemning Messages Aimed at the Sick

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Below I'm going to go through some things I have seen online or read from people about healing that I feel need paid some attention.

"Every moment you spend sick is another moment you are not accessing Christ as the healer. Jesus is always Jehovah Rapha. Healing always is. We can access this provision at any time. Healing always is...its always flowing...its always on"

I like a lot of what Curry Blake says, but not this phrase.

The is just so very condemning. I don't even think people realize it.
"Every moment YOU spend sick is another moment YOU are not accessing Christ as the healer....We can access this at ANY time".

This is pretty much saying, it is your fault for not getting healed. Since it is soo easy and accessible at any time, so why haven't you figured it out yet? As if any sick person has CHOSEN to be sick in the first place. This line also makes it seem as if you just repeat a phrase and then you are healed.

Sadly many healthy people in the faith movement actually believe this... They honestly believe that receiving a healing is as easy as repeating the phrase..."Jesus you are my healer!"

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"Sick people are needs driven and should not seek prayer and go "person to person".

This one was in a video posted on Youtube from a Power and Love conference. The concept behind this sermon would have been great if sickness and an example of a shoulder injury had been left out of it entirely. I really love Dan and Todd, but I have some issues with this message.

First world problems and sickness are not equal.

You cannot compare someone being upset for getting stuck in traffic or "having a bad day" to someone looking for prayer because they have Parkinson's. You cannot compare someone going to a conference "for an experience" with someone looking for prayer because they have epilepsy. It's absolutely wrong.

Jesus did not do this. He did not tell the multitude they were too needs driven, leaving them hurting or making them feel bad for wanting to receive prayer for their ailments.

Then great multitudes came to Him, having with them the lame, blind, mute, maimed, and many others; and they laid them down at Jesus’ feet, and He healed them. (Matthew 15:30)

Sickness should never be used to gauge a person's faith or relationship with God. 

If we start to conclude that healthy people have great faith and sick people have bad faith, we are going down a slippery slope. Sickness is from the enemy and never from our Heavenly Father, so how can we blame the sick person for wanting prayer to get rid of it? Because of this video, we have people regurgitating this message and telling sick people to not go "person to person" for prayer.

What is a sick person supposed to do then? Most of the time the answer is "Keep the faith". "Just keep pursuing Christ"

Ok, you can still receive prayer from people and be seeking Christ and keeping faith. You don't have to be doing one without the other. In fact, if you continue to seek prayer after not seeing anything at all, that's a level of faith most people have not experienced.

It's harder to stand in faith for a healing when you aren't feeling healed and constantly dealing with symptoms.

The reasons why sick people look for "a person" today are the exact reasons why people brought their children, friends and family to the disciples in the Bible. They heard the stories of miracles and came in faith to see what was going on. If someone with a sickness goes to "see a person" who is representing Christ Jesus, then it is not this weird idolizing/idolatry thing. It is about a sick person having an elder in the church to pray the prayer of faith for healing.

Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up.
(James 5:14-15)

One of my biggest concerns with the Power and Love Conferences is that it is encouraged to pray for a stranger on the street, a waitress in Applebees, a store clerk or random person in a cast at Wal-mart, but if it is someone who has attended your own conference or in your own church, then they are just needy and should not be asking for prayer. This is unacceptable.

If we look in the Bible, Jesus admired people who traveled, were determined and asked for prayer. He considered it great faith, not neediness.

*In the story of the Gentile woman's daughter. The message was not yet for the Gentiles and yet this woman persevered and actually argued a bit with Jesus. What did Jesus do? He was pleased with her determination and faith. He did not get upset with her nor send her away...

Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.
(Matthew 15:21-28)

*In the story of the woman with the blood disorder for 12 years, she fought her way to touch Jesus' garment and was instantly healed. Jesus saw this determination and was pleased with her faith.

And He looked around to see her who had done this thing. But the woman, fearing and trembling, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth.  And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction.”
(Matthew 9:20-22; Mark 5:25-34; Luke 8:43-48)

*In the story of the epileptic boy, the boy's father brought him to the disciples, but he was not healed. Instead of the father giving up, he went to Jesus himself. The father was persistent in his faith and went to see Jesus himself. It paid off because Jesus immediately rebuked the spirit and the boy was healed.

Then one of the crowd answered and said, “Teacher, I brought You my son, who has a mute spirit. And wherever it seizes him, it throws him down; he foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I spoke to Your disciples, that they should cast it out, but they could not.”
...
Then Jesus answered and said, “O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him here to Me.” And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour.
(Matthew 17:14-18; Mark 9:17-27; Luke 9:37-42)

If sick people are going "person to person" to seek healing, then that means the church is failing these sick people. Don't get mad at the sick for being persistent in their healing. It might just be the 45th prayer that finally breaks a person free.

As I wrote that, I am reminded of the video I recently posted of a woman with MS. I'm glad she didn't get told to give up and stop getting prayer. She might not have been healed.

I love this quote from her in the video at 17:19. 
"No matter how many prayers, you need to have, never stop praying and stop going to get prayer because it might be that 50th prayer, 49th prayer that breaks through and so I just want to encourage you to keep going."

To that I say, Amen sister! :) 

If we start telling sick people to stop getting prayer, then how many will remain in sickness their whole lives? Are we too easily accepting a "no" when we pray?

If you found out today, you were diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis, would you be willing to be one of those who remained sick? Who was told they were being too needy?

Think about it.

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"Just receive your healing" "By His stripes you are healed! You are healed!" 
"You may need to walk out your healing"

This one is probably going to make some people a bit angry. Let me explain what I am saying with this before people have a panic attack!

Having a healing manifest is not as simple as repeating scripture over and over again. Many point to these scriptures in reference to "believing" for your healing.

"Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you."
(Mark 11:24)

"And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”
(Matthew 21:22)

These scriptures don't mean you need to recite passages over and over again to convince yourself of healing. It also doesn't mean you have to pretend you are healed even when you are having symptoms in that very moment.

I have had people pray for me and then tell me I was healed, even though I was not. Ugh...I really don't like that at all.

I think those with illnesses that cannot be seen from the outside are more likely to be victims of this "pretend you are healthy" message. We don't need to lie about the healing power of God. He is plenty capable of miracles!

There is a difference between believing and pretending. I'm going to touch upon those as quickly as possible here.

Believing  that it is God's will to heal is different than pretending God has healed. Believing in a healing doesn't mean I have to walk around and disregard what I'm feeling.

"I'm having a really bad day, so I need to use my walker, but I know Jesus is my healer and I will get through this."

Pretending you have been healed when you are not is actually dangerous. Some people may stop taking medication because they are pretending to be better. Some people may try to walk without assistance of a wheelchair or walker. Do not do this unless you are actually better.

Some will point to specific scriptures and draw wrong conclusions from the scriptures. If Jesus told a person to get up, then some say that you have to ignore your sickness and "work" for your healing.

Essentially some are telling people to stop "focusing on symptoms" and just "live your life" and then you will be healed. Basically this kind of teaching is only discouraging because it is about what YOU are doing. It is about what you are feeling and what you are thinking. The more you ignore symptoms, then the more pleased Jesus is with you...

This is not in the Bible any where. Jesus never once said that to a single person.

Even before I knew Jesus, I was already ignoring my symptoms and trying to live life as best as I could!... I have always said to myself, what other choice does a sick person have other than taking their own life? A new day will dawn and they will continue to the next.

Telling people to pretend will only make a sick person more frustrated and confused. Many people who push this idea wrongly mistaken this as faith, but I think it is quite the opposite. How long does a person need to pretend until they see results? 1 week? 10 weeks? a year? 5 years?

In time those who are only pretending for a healing, will be completely distraught as they get worse and worse. This is when you have people begin to question God's will for healing, get mad and think that God must have given them their sickness to teach them a lesson.

There is a difference between believing and pretending. I can very easily test if I am actually doing better by just standing up. If my heart rate increases, then I am not healed.  

I don't need to hurt myself or convince myself into a healing. Jesus is not MIND MEDICINE. 

Mind medicine is the exact opposite of Jesus because it is all about being self-focused and self-aware. Is this about what Jesus did or is it about your abilities?


Symptoms are real. I think telling people to "pretend" is insincere and discouraging.

If the sick person has been trying to receive a healing for some time, telling them over and over again to just receive is insincere. Please read rule number 2 from above. If you have it figured out, then just lay your hands on them and minister to them for a healing! That simple! YAY!

But it is not that simple, so that is why these new catch phrases and taglines are created.

This has got quite long. Wow. However, I really think we need to step back for a minute and really see what it is we are conveying to the sick. Is it truly encouragement? Is it what we see in Jesus' ministry?

No one knows all of the answers to healing, but I think we need to re-examine what we say to the sick.

We need to get back to having real compassion for people. Encourage them. Call them unexpectedly and tell them you want to pray for them. If they are unable to get prayer on their own because of their illness, offer to pray for them in their house. Pick them up and take them to local healing services.

I really think if we hang around with the sick more and understand what it is they actually go through on a daily basis, we will grow up into Christ. We will start to see people with love and compassion just as Jesus did.

Sick people don't need to feel better about their illness, they need a miracle.

Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas to all of my readers. This Christmas has a special place in my heart...This year I finally after a lifetime of "church going", understand and know what it means to believe in Jesus and the Good news of the Gospel. WOW!

For many people, Christmas isn't even a joyous time anymore. Let's just enjoy the things we have and enjoy that Christ is our Savior. Even with family members no longer here with us, Christ gives us strength, hope, peace and rest to do anything. To stand bold in the face of adversary. To have hope even when things don't feel hopeful at all. To have peace and feel rest when life is really causing a lot of stress.

We make Christmas whatever WE want to make it. Don't allow other people's Grinch or materialistic mentalities start to make an affect on your reasons for celebrating. I give hugs and prayers to everyone reading. That this year be filled with healing, love, hope and many surprises.

Incurable? ...Multiple Sclerosis Healed!

This is a must see healing testimony. It is a bit long, but well worth the watch!

What she says from 15:54-21:20 just blew me away. If you are sick, take this to heart and allow God to change what it is you feel about sickness.

Remember I Don't Give Health Advice!

Just as a friendly reminder, I will not answer any of your emails in regards to health advice or information. I won't even entertain or enable the ideas anymore though.

Here's the only advice I have to give.

The natural health, natural hormone community  is nothing but a culture and mindset of fear. You are made to fear everything on this planet. The water you drink, the air you breathe, the food you eat. There is always something "bad" that was just discovered that we have to avoid... Lots of experts, doctors and groups have bought into this mindset, so they think they are "helping" you by letting you know of all these dangers. They are mostly fearmongering and getting people to be afraid and scared. There's a lot of money to be made with people's fear. I know I spent tens of thousands of dollars on supplements, books, treatments etc. All of it was a waste and did nothing. My husband was in fact permanently injured by a supplement he took.

The Lord tells us not to be afraid. That includes living in this world, what we eat, what we drink and more.

I won't tell you what to do, but are you living in a mindset of fear everyday? I'm so done with it. I will live free with my trust in the Lord. I will use common sense, but I will no longer be an encyclopedia or an enabler for this mindset.

Praise the Lord for my transformation in these matters. He opened my eyes up to what was really going on in these communities. For many years, I was one of the enablers, one of the "I know it all's", but not anymore! :)

God healed me of Addison's Disease!

I do have some exciting news I wanted to pass along to people. The title of the post probably gave it away already....haha! I had been keeping this to myself for many weeks and have only told a few people.  I wanted to know for sure what was going on.

Several weeks ago my husband and I went to Dr. Roger Sapp's Christ-centered healing meeting in Indiana. It was quite a journey for us to go, but we really wanted to!!

Some Christians believe that sickness glorifies God or has some sort of purpose, such as teach them a lesson or make them a better person. Others have misunderstood Paul's "thorn in the flesh" or the story of Job and then use those as reasons for why they are sick. I don't believe in any of those so I have been pursuing Jesus as my healer.

For more info on what I believe, you can also read my post,  It is God's Will To Heal to get a better understanding too.

---

At the meeting, we had a great time visiting with people and making some new friends. At first when I was being prayed for, I felt nothing at all. We prayed a few more times and just decided to let things ride out. Then I had some other people come over to pray for me. They asked what was wrong and I went through that whole mess..."what isn't wrong with me"...haha As I was being prayed for again, I felt a deep warmth within the core of my body, but it only lasted a short time. I did not think too much of it. That weekend we prayed for others and it was a great experience! One person, we later found out was totally healed of his heart condition. That was pretty awesome! Thank you Jesus!

On Monday the day after we got back, I realized I had forgotten to take my hydrocortisone. It scared me a bit, so I immediately took it. The next day, the same thing happened. I just forgot, but I decided I wouldn't take it unless I started to feel sick.

Usually when I forget to take my HC, things escalate within minutes or hours. It does not take long to know that low cortisol is setting in. First, I typically feel a bit off and my head hurts. Then I begin to get this nagging pain in my stomach or back. If it keeps going, then I will get chills and the pain will increase. This is usually when I begin to feel weak and incoherent and my husband would have to help me. If even more time went on, I would have severe nausea and then vomiting. I never let it get that far because that's adrenal crisis territory and that is serious business. You can go into a coma and die.

I wasn't experiencing any of those symptoms. I was being very cautious and keeping an eye on myself though. There were a few days I took 2.5mg because I was still a bit shocked that I did not need it anymore...hahah!

It has now been 6 weeks since that meeting. My heavenly Father healed me of Addison's Disease or adrenal insufficiency! I am no longer taking hydrocortisone when previously I could not wean myself off of it at all. I used to take anywhere from 15-20mg of HC on a daily basis. Many people in the chronic illness community can attest to this fact. :) I have hundreds if not thousands of posts on forums that confirm my need for hydrocortisone on various forums and groups.

There has been a few attempts over the years where I took it upon myself to try weaning down on my dose. It always ended up going really bad. Below I grabbed a few snippets from old blog posts to show you!

From my post, Ugh HC Weaning Isn't Going Well in September 2010:

"It's been another 10 days or so and my body cannot adjust to this lower dose of HC...I have moments of complete hearing loss in my ears for a few minutes at a time. I've been feeling sick to my stomach, almost flu-like without actually vomiting though and I've been having crazy hot flashes and chills....Yesterday and the day before I had to take more HC. I was sort of afraid that if I didn't I'd start going down the adrenal crisis path. Ugh. I just hate to admit defeat on this because I really don't want to have to take HC for the rest of my life. It's pretty frustrating."

The next day I gave up and started taking the full dose of HC again. 

From my post, Well that Didn't Work in May 2010:

"Going down to 15mg of HC was disastrous. It took me 1 day to realize that was a bad bad bad idea, so I'm back up to 17.5mg. I seem to do well here for now."

Going back and reading through all of that was amazing. Thank you Jesus, I was healed! There is simply no other explanation. Having been on steroids for more than 3 years, I should not have been able to go cold turkey like that any how, but I did! Over those 3 years I had tried SOO many times to come off of HC and it never worked. Just two weeks before this meeting, I tried to lower my dose and I could not do it at all...I immediately was sick.

I can't even tell you how incredibly happy I am about this. I no longer have to wear a medical alert bracelet. I always felt that thing marked me and it was awful. Thank you Jesus! I am set free!

Now I need POTS to leave my body in Jesus name and the world will never be the same. Watch out everybody! haha :) A healthy me, hasn't been around ever, so who knows what awesomeness will come out of it.

Update August 1 2013: I am still not taking HC. I continue to battle and stand for other healings, which have not come as easy.

It is God's Will To Heal

Author's Edit (2016):
Sometimes it can be good to look back a few years and see how much God has changed you. This post reflects so much of what I no longer believe. This post demonstrates to me how you can become a parrot for another person's teaching and not even realize it. 

Since I've been involved in the chronic illness community for many years, I am friends with a lot of people who are sick. Many of them have been sick for 5, 10, 15, 30+ years. My way to give back to this community was always to do research and to make myself a guinea pig to see what supplements, detox programs or other things were beneficial to me. I thought if I could make a blog describing everything I had tried, once I found my cure, then I would be able to help lots of people. Many years went by and yet nothing ever restored me to where I could work again or feel normal. I told myself that it was only a matter of time, but nothing worked. In fact a lot of the things I did, set me back and made me and my husband only worse. Just take a quick look around here and you'll see what I mean...haha

In July 2012, I felt the Lord tell me to stop doing all the health theories and doctor hopping. I went from being a scientist, digging through my genetics, writing up theories and ideas on what might be causing my illness, and instead started reading my Bible and listening to the Lord. It was the biggest 180 degree change I've probably ever done in my life!

This has given me an unique perspective as a chronically ill born again Christian, seeking healing from the Lord. In this latest journey, I have learned that not all Christians believe in healing of the sick.

Some Christians believe their sickness is given by God because of something they did or that they need to be taught some lesson in life or need to be made more humble and thankful for what they have. Some even think it is God's will to keep them sick and that if the Lord wanted them healed, then they wouldn't still be sick. Unfortunately a lot of good people have been mightily deceived and do not have a good understanding of where sickness comes from.

My hope is that this post will help some get a better understanding that it is the Father's will to heal and it is ok to seek and desire healing.

Eye, Be Healed in Jesus' Name!

A little over a week ago, I woke up with some scary things in my vision.

For years, I have had a lot of lights, sparks, negative and positive afterimages, visual snow, floaters, lights while blinking and more. For many years I didn't even know the things had names, so I just made my own descriptions up. ;)

This new thing was much different than everything else I had experienced before...

I had a grey spot just above my center vision where I could not see anything. Yet at the same time, my brain was trying to fill it in with information surrounding it. I could only see the extent of the "blindness" while looking at detailed objects like the edge of trim, wall or text . I could also tell if say, looking at facebook, the header where it is blue, looked gray to me instead. Colors are not quite right in the spot unless I am just looking at a white or black background.

What I see on the Amsler Grid

Since I've had a lot of lights before, I figure it would just go away like the hundreds of other times before it. A few hours went by, a day, 3 days...Oh uh! It was not going away, so...I decided I should probably called the doctors first thing Monday. After talking to a nurse the soonest they could see me was Thursday. I thought to myself, "Well sweet! That gives me a few days to pray for this thing!" If it's healed in the meantime, then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. haha!! My husband and I had been praying for my eye. I had been meditating about it. I had a friend pray for me too.

Well Thursday morning comes around and it is still there, so I go in. I really hate going to doctors. Every time I do, it is bound to make me upset because often times I'm treated pretty badly. But it is not just me. I am reminded my sister had a malignant brain tumor for over a year and no one took her seriously either!

We waited for almost 3 hours in the office.

The doc remembered me as having the weird eyes.

I wasn't sure if I should be happy he remembered me or not. Last time I was there, they never really came to any conclusions. I had some retinal traction or something like that and my retinas looked white, but they had no idea why I was seeing what I was seeing.

The first pass with the slit lamp exam, the eye doctor said he saw nothing except the few really big floaters in that eye. I told him I know for a fact it is not a floater and the spot was fixed. He was trying to tell me I was just seeing a floater.

He then examines my eye with me tilted back and he was directing the light in exactly the place where the blind spot was located in my vision. He took a few slow passes.

He starts off by saying he really doesn't see anything wrong. My heart just sank...I said that is great news of course but I have a blind spot. He goes on to tell me well he did see a "spot of hypopigmentation" in that area of the retina, but he did not know what it was but wasn't sure it could cause my issue. He said he had never seen this before and had no idea what it meant.

That's what I did not want to hear from this guy. That's exactly what he said 3 years ago and eventually I had a different doctor take a look at me. The different doctor was highly confused why I was being checked so often. He said everything was fine and that the retina was a bit shiny, but that it's benign (White without pressure) and told me I did not need to be seen again unless something came up.

So here we go again. Same deal. Doc has no idea what it is, yet he orders no further testing, does not refer me to go to another doc. He just told me to wait another 2 weeks...I feel like I'm reliving the same thing over again.

I have a hunch of what it might be and I tried to pass this along to the doctor, but was met with resistance from the nurse. She basically just yelled at me on the phone for a good 5 minutes. Telling me the internet is a "dangerous" place and that I was "questioning the doctor's training and experience". etc etc etc I prayed as she was yelling at me and just said, God please be with this woman who is taking her frustration out on me for something in her own life.

The good news is that the prognosis is typically good, but it varies for everyone. Bad thing is, with it being so rare (0.45 per 100,000 people), it seems like they really do not know.

For comparison- Addison's Disease is 1 per 100,000. POTS is 170 per 100,000.

At the moment, it looks like it is not something that will be permanent but only time will tell. Thank you Jesus it wasn't the first signs of MS. I was freaking out about the possibility because I have lots of MS symptoms that are quite similar to POTS. I still pray for this spot to be healed completely in Jesus' name and not progress any further.

I'm waiting on a few other health miracles right now, so I really don't want to see that list getting any longer. hahah! ;)

The Leaves Are Gorgeous This Year!

For the past few years, we have had pretty underwhelming fall foliage. This year however is shaping up to be quite amazing. Maybe if I am feeling up to it, I'll try to get some snapshots of the leaves in the area. They are simply beautiful. The bright reds and oranges are just...wow! No words can really describe how vibrant and beautiful they look.

Why Am I Still Sick? (From a Spiritual Perspective)

I am not a theology major nor do I have extensive knowledge on Bible verses, but today I wanted to write about being sick as a Christian, especially a Christian who believes in healing. I'm going out on a limb here! haha!

I know many do not believe that healings occur today. Well some believe it is possible, but it is not something that can be controlled or done consistently. Many believe it is all a scam. Some believe that healing is the work of Satan and that by being healed, he is tricking you. Others believe that once the disciples died, those miracles do not happen anymore or it is only by chance or some rare exception.

There is another group of people who say that healing still occurs today. These people are actively laying their hands on people in stores, malls and out on the streets.

I personally believe that healing occurs because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. He saved me from all sin and also took away my illness and sickness. I don't need to see videos or read testimonies of healings to know it to be true, but they are out there if you want to see them. I also know a woman who had POTS that was cured when a man layed his hands on her and prayed. It's been over a year now and she is still completely healed! Praise God!!

What becomes difficult is trying to understand why we all aren't healed instantly. I've had a few people lay hands on me, but nothing happened. I don't know why it happens the first time for some and doesn't for others. However I'm not about to start making excuses and questioning my faith.

Failures in healing are why people begin to build theologies around why God does and does not heal certain people. If you've been sick for an extended period of time, I'm sure you've heard things like this...

"You must have sin in your life"
"You must need to forgive someone"
"Your faith must not be very strong"
"You must have opened the wrong door"
"Satan has a hold of you"
"God must be angry at you"
"God must be teaching you a lesson"
"It's not your time to be healed"
"If God wanted it, then you would have been healed. God must want to keep you sick"

Being a sick Christian is tough...Many blame you for being sick.

All of the statements above are excuses. When a healing is seen, the church, rejoices and praises God (as they should). However when someone is not healed, it's much easier to blame and pass the problem off on the sick person. The church or ministry never has to feel uncomfortable about it.

The problem I have with this, is that the sick person is still sick. In addition to having to endure their sickness, now they are being told it is their fault? Huh?

Jesus did not make any excuses. He would have healed you, today. This very moment. 

Sadly, I find healthy people are usually the ones who go around saying these things to sick people. They have this belief that they have somehow been spared of sickness because of their faith. Therefore if someone has sickness, then they must have done something to bring it upon themselves. Sometimes bad stuff and accidents happen. Sometimes people are born with disease. Does it really matter how or why we became sick? Isn't all sickness equally bad?

Instead of having love and compassion for the sick person, people start to question the sick person's faith....This happens ALL THE TIME. There are entire websites dedicated to explaining all the reasons why people aren't healed...  By creating and having these elaborate theories for why it does not happen, I find it interesting that it must be happening often enough, that they have dedicated so much time to it. They don't have faith in the healings, therefore it does not happen...It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

These types of theologies can end up being dangerous and actually steer people away from God.

When everything is going fine, these people believe God is happy with them. However the moment something goes wrong, they get the idea they must have done something to anger God. These people begin to question God and their faith. "God if I was a faithful servant, why did you let my child die? Give me cancer?  Let my wife leave me? Make me lose my job?" The moment things get rough, people who believe in this kind of theology, believe it is God doing it to them.

That is why I reject all theologies like this. It is a slippery slope.

God is NOT in the business of giving us disease and making bad things happen to us. It is as if  the Devil and God have switched roles. If you believe that God is doing any of these things to teach you a lesson, then you have been deceived in my opinion. I used to be taught this and thought it was totally normal...hah!

If you build a theology where people with illness deserve it for some reason, then you go from being a person full of love and compassion, to a judging, self-righteous person based upon a self-written theology. :"You don't have enough faith". "You don't this. "You don't that". None of these reasons are based upon anything in the Bible. Websites like to pick and choose verses from the Bible, but I don't see anywhere where Jesus let someone suffer.

Jesus healed sickness from everyone. No exceptions were ever given in the Bible. Why are we expecting any less and making excuses? 

A great story in the Bible is in the Gospel of Matthew. When the disciples could not heal an epileptic boy, Jesus was angry and told them exactly why they could not cast it out. It was their faith.

Matthew 17: 14-20

17:14 When they came to the crowd, a man came to him, knelt before him, 17:15 and said, “Lord, have mercy on my son, because he is epileptic and suffers terribly, for he often falls into the fire and into the water. 17:16 I brought him to your disciples, but they were not able to heal him.” 17:17 Jesus answered, “You unbelieving and perverse generation! How much longer must I be with you? How much longer must I endure you? Bring him here to me.” 17:18 Then Jesus rebuked the demon and it came out of him, and the boy was healed from that moment. 17:19 Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why couldn’t we cast it out?” 17:20 He told them, “It was because of your little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; nothing will be impossible for you.”

It is quite clear that Jesus did not blame the epileptic boy for not being healed. He blamed his own disciples for having little faith.

Perhaps this is why certain people or certain ministries see more healings than others. The idea of it being based upon the faith of those healing, would make sense.

Why am I still sick? I do not know. I know it is nothing I have or have not done. I will continue to seek prayer from those who are willing to pray for me. I have already been sick for at least 12 years of my life, it is time for this to go. Praise God when it does!!!

Debbie Downer for Being Sick of Being Sick?

Fall is definitely here! The leaves have already been changing! :) I woke up today and it was actually cold and I needed to get a jacket. :)  Usually I feel better in winter, but last winter was really rough on me. I got strep and then erythema nodosum....Ouch. I hope I do not have a repeat of that.

I am already noticing that my heart has been racing a lot more. I have been getting periods where it just takes off for no reason. It has me concerned but what can I do about it? It's not like I can flip a switch and be better... I have been getting worse and worse this year despite my efforts with supplements, natural treatments, detoxes and rx drugs. Nothing has been working...

In real life, I don't like to talk about my problems with people because no one wants to hear things like this...What's the point when there is no end in sight? It's not like there will be a cure for POTS in 5, 10, 15 or even 20 years. As I get sicker, it is becoming increasingly harder to cope with. Most people are only interested in hearing about illness for a short time, but when an illness has been going on for years, they don't really want to hear about it anymore. You are old news and annoying.

Because of that, Facebook and this blog are the only places where I can vent and talk about what I am feeling with complete honesty.

On FB the other day I was accused of no longer listening to God's word and that I must have stopped going to church because I was being a debbie downer in my posts...Huh?...This does not make any sense at all to me. I am NOT about to be condemned for feeling and living sick. I do not subscribe to any theology that blames sick people for being sick. God does not give us sickness to teach us lessons.

Some people really need to get a grip on themselves. You see someone hurting and in sickness and all you have to offer is condemnation and some lesson on the Devil? How about having some compassion, love or even offering to pray for them?

On FB, I usually post random things about health, cats, weather, God, songs, etc. The last few weeks I have been posting links to some interesting threads on DINET that I could relate to and I shared some stories for Invisible Illness week. I normally don't post about stuff like that, but I thought there were some good things out there. I like posting about the emotional struggles we face when one suffers from a chronic illness.

Oh and I've also shared this amazing KittenCam on Youtube. OH MY!! Check it out. You will be addicted. :)

One of my "debbie downer" status updates was written after going to Kohl's and suffering with terrible symptoms.

I really needed some jeans. I haven't bought a single pair of jeans for more than 3 years. We are going to a Christian healing meeting and conference coming up in October and I realized I did not have enough clothes to wear to a conference for 3 days...haha! Normally I wear the same clothes over and over again because I don't make public appearances very often and I'm not seeing the same people. I figured showing up in the same old, worn pants might be a bit weird.

I hate shopping because of my health problems. I can't even remember the last time I went to a mall. I think it's been about 3-4 years. The only shopping I do is grocery and necessity shopping like getting cat litter, cat food, prescriptions, toilet paper etc. You get the idea. I don't go on day long trips where I come home with bags and bags of jeans, shirts, shoes and other stuff. All that walking, stooping down, reaching up for items, standing in line is awful.

Before we got to Kohl's I looked online to see which pants might work, so I knew where to start... There was no way I could walk around Kohl's, trying everything on I could find, so I had to narrow it down to 2 or 3 styles. That's all my body can handle.

Trying on and putting on clothes has always been a major trigger for POTS. When I get dressed in the morning, it takes all of my effort not to collapse. It's not that my BP drops, but I feel like the life within me begins to fade away.

So I start trying on jeans and immediately knew this was not working out well. I felt terrible. My heart was in the 170's. I had to rest on one of their mannequin displays. ;) I had shortness of breath, began to tremble, shake, sweat profusely, felt wired and thirsty yet had to pee all at the same time... I could not do any fine motor movements at all. Texting on my phone was impossible. I kept smashing like 5 keys together. Everything was so unsteady. The first 2 pairs of pants I had tried on were a bust, so I had to keep pushing through and looking. I started to slouch, sighed a lot and was even dragging my feet as I walked. I looked sweaty in the face as if I had been running a marathon. I have to believe marathon runners feel better than this because I don't think they would keep doing them otherwise! HAHA!

I finally did find pants that I liked, but I was too sick to try them on and compare, so I just bought them. I got home and realize I probably needed to try the smaller size and compare...NOO I have to go back now!?! I was considering of bringing my video camera along next time to show people how much I suffer while trying to do normal things. I dunno if Kohl's would allow it, but I think I'm gonna try.

So after that entire experience, yes I made a FB status update that said,
"I went to Kohls today to get some jeans and I felt terrible. Made me realize just how sick I really am. :("

I can't pretend I don't have POTS! When someone suggests something along those lines, I have to assume they don't believe you are really that sick. Doesn't that already mean I'm doing a good job at pretending? lol I also feel like you cannot possible be feeling compassion for what I am going through. No one would ever tell someone with cancer to pretend they did not have cancer. No one would ever tell a blind person to just think more positively, so he might be able to see! That is completely absurd....

After coming home from Kohl's, I was wrecked for the day. I had massive head pressure and a headache that did not go away until I went to bed that night.

One good thing did come out of it, as I was walking around, feeling dreadful, I started to have flashbacks to times in my youth where I felt the same exact way. It was as if I was being reminded that I have been sick for a very long time as early as age 5. My mom used to do day long trips to malls and I hated it. I would lie down on the ground, cry, scream and throw fits.  I thought I was just a brat, but walking around Kohl's the other day, I knew it was just POTS showing itself...

I'm not entirely sure where to leave this post, but for the past 7 years I have been doing the mental gymnastics to keep myself going. The 5 years before that, that I graduated from high school, went to college and worked full time. I'm not a quitter. I'm not someone who just gives up and pouts. The reason I'm not in a wheelchair or lying around in bed all day looking more sick is because of my willpower.  I struggle with POTS in every aspect of my life and have made as much good out of it as I can. Is it wrong to want more and be upset with where I am right now? I don't think so.

For 12 years doctors have told me I was faking, crazy, lazy, just anxious,"too stressed", that I needed to get a job, was a drug addict, needed to just start having babies and all of these horrible things. To then have a friend tell me that I was letting the Devil win by having debbie downer posts, it is really not very caring or compassionate at all. I can't just pretend POTS away...Don't you think I would have done that, oh I dunno, like 5 years ago when I started this blog? lol

My hope for healing and recovery is with God. I know that he is my Healer. He has already shown me with what happened with my cousin was not my fault. God is healing me right now in ways I cannot even explain here. I believe that the physical healing will happen too. And when God finally takes this illness away from me, then Glory be to Him. No one will be able to stop me, from shouting it from the rooftops!

Healing the Wounds of the Past

This has definitely been the hardest blog post I've ever written. I've been tossing it around for at least a few days now. What I'm about to write is very personal!

First though I need to write some backstory to what has been going on in my life recently.

The past few months have been quite an interesting journey and I have made 180 degree change in what I do. As many know, I have stopped focusing on health information. I took pride in what I have done and the information I gathered together, but it was becoming a negative influence on my life. By always coming up with new theories, new tests to get done, new concepts to ponder and new medicines and supplements to try, it was a way for me to feel like I was in control of my life and my illness. I am not in control of this. When one did not work, I just moved on to the next, then the next and the next. There are so many theories, tests and supplements out there, I could have literally watched my entire life pass by jumping from theory to theory, supplement to supplement. It was like I had something to prove by "figuring it out".

Of course consciously, I had no idea I was doing this at the time. I woke up one day and had this distinct impression that I needed to stop and needed to start paying attention to what was going on around me.

And so I did just that. I left all Facebook health groups. I stopped posting to forums. Most importantly I stopped discussing theories with people. This is the big one for me...It was not easy at first. I felt out of control. I felt scared. I caved in a few times. I even had resistance from people. I had people I thought were my friends, tell me I was giving up and all of this ridiculous stuff. I knew I needed to just walk away at least for a little while and try to find myself. 

I started to explore a personal relationship with God. I have always believed in some sort of God but did not really understand what Jesus did or why he had to die...But in June 2012 I "officially" accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, was water baptized and started reaching out and praying to God and asking him for clarity and knowledge. "Father, tell me more about you. Show me more of You in me." 

I had never prayed like this before...Things inside of me started to change!

At the end of July, the sudden death of my aunt forced me to face events from my past that hurt me very much. I had to look to God for guidance because I did not have the strength on my own to face it. For me, it's always been easier to try to ignore the thoughts, emotions and images than to feel them, or deal with them, but unfortunately that wasn't an option this time around. I had to make a choice. 
 
Well I chose to begin healing some of the deepest, darkest wounds of my past. These are emotional wounds that I thought I would take to my grave. In over 11 years time, I never told anyone except my husband. Not a single friend knew about it, nor did any of my family members up until a few weeks ago.

I had held these pains deep inside of me for so long because I never fully understood what had happened to me...The emotions I felt were so mixed. I was confused, scared, lost, afraid, unsure, mad and full of shame and sorrow. For those 11 years, I took responsibility for what happened. I thought it was my fault and that I should have known better because I was old enough to know better. I told myself that I was a dirty, gross and a terrible person, so of course I did not want to tell anyone.

I was scared of what might happen if the truth came out.

One morning, only several weeks ago, I started to look online and thanks to amazing people out there willing to share their experiences, I found incest survivors who thought and said the same exact things as me. I could relate to these people and then it all hit me...All of these emotions, thoughts and ideas in my head, were sadly very normal for someone who was a victim of incest. This was huge for me. This was groundbreaking. This was liberating! My first thoughts were...Wow is that what happened to me? That was abuse?

For years, I told myself it wasn't abuse and fought within myself try to make sense of it.

I know that might sound really ridiculous to people who have not gone through it. However whenever it is a family member you trusted, it makes things extremely difficult to process. I always thought if it had been a complete stranger, then it would have been easier to deal with.

Anyone who knows me in real life can attest to the dramatic changes that occurred during this time.  I behaved so erratically. I starved myself nearly to the point of death, but I did so to feel in control. I would burn my arms with needles and knives warmed under a flame to make my skin singe, just so I could feel something. I collapsed at an amusement park due to starving myself and hoped that I wouldn't live just to end the suffering. I abused ephedra and other supplements hoping they would kill me in the process. I started wearing chains and black clothes hoping to scare people away from me. I had nervous breakdowns in the middle of school and I pushed everyone I knew as far away as possible. I hated the very person I saw in the mirror. I started to become involved with people who were negative influences and dated as many people as I could to "bury" the past because my innocence had been stolen. Somehow I thought I could find it again.

In my senior year of high school, I stopped wearing black clothes and chains to look more like a normal person...But inside of me, the pain raged on. It continued on into college and I made bad decisions because I felt unworthy of being loved and happy. I put myself into situations where people could take advantage of me. Then I would look back in shame for what I had done. It was a vicious cycle.

By the grace of God, I lived through these years of really dark times...All of these pains, emotions, thoughts and moments will be hard to heal from, but it can only begin by finally breaking the silence.

For years, I hated everything to do with love. I did not believe in it nor did I really want it. All of the pain that had been done to me was by someone who confessed his "love" towards me. This kind of manipulation really messed with my head and I even began feeling empathy towards my abuser. After all if this was out of love, then he would not have meant to hurt me and I must have misunderstood or wanted it. I could go on and on and on with the weird thinking....It were these manipulated thoughts and feelings that make the whole situation much worse and why I struggled.

Recently, with my aunt dying, I knew it was going to bring a lot of this back up to the surface. I knew it was going to give this person a good excuse to try to get back into my life and well I was right. When he finally tried contacting me, I was terrified. I got on my knees crying and prayed to God to help me through this. I did not know what to do from here and needed guidance, peace and encouragement. I felt so out of control and terrified.

After praying that Saturday morning with tears streaming down my face, God told me it was time to come out of hiding and to reclaim myself. I never had any intentions of ever telling anyone and I had even planned out putting all of this in my will when I died. But now the truth is out there and all of those years of fearing what might happen if I did tell, it simply did not occur. The sky did not fall and I'm still here! Even though it was a really tough thing to tell my mom, it ended up being the most terrifying yet liberating conversation ever. Since my abuser is still alive, I also felt like I had to warn others to keep my little cousins safe.

I have written all of this, not to get people's pity but mostly to bring awareness to the fact that incest and sexual abuse is commonplace. My mom and dad did everything right to protect me and my siblings from strangers, but the damage was done by someone within our own family.

Despite the things that happen to us in our lives, we still choose what we make of it and who we become. We can either let our pains and experiences take us over or we can accept them for what they are and make the best out of life. I still have healing to do and even though all of this is part of me, I am not that same broken, beaten down naive girl today. I will never be able to be around this family member again because I know without any doubt this person would try to harm me again if given the chance.

I know God will take this all away from me and heal me through this. I have been told by several prophetic people that they see my hurt of the past and that God will continue to reach into my heart and heal me. It has not been a quick, overnight heal, but it is slowly happening. There are still some subtle issues I need to work out, but overall I am doing so much better now that it is out in the open and no longer burning a hole in my heart.

Help Out My Nephew! Cub Scout Fundraiser

I don't think I've ever posted something like this before on my blog. I know my viewership has gone done a lot since I've change the format of things around here, but I'm hoping maybe a few of you can help out.

My nephew, Noah is in Cub scouts and I sadly cannot afford a single thing on this website to help him out. I'd be ecstatic if any of you could buy one of the tasty food items to help him out. I've been drooling over the chocolate covered pretzels, but those aren't gluten free...lol Things are a bit pricey, but most of it goes directly back to the Cub Scout Troop, so you are mostly just making a donation and getting a food item in exchange. ;)

Both my sister and I have had health problems since a young age. Only 4 months after giving birth to Noah, my sister began experiencing severe headaches. 10 months later, she was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor at age 25 and the prognosis was bad. My nephew was only 1 years old at the time...I thought my nephew was not going to have a mom. It was really that scary, but she fought on and praise God the surgery was successful and she is still with us today, more than 5 years later!However, to say that things have been rough for both of them is an understatement. She is a single mom, living with my parents and could use your help!

You have to go through this link in order for my nephew to get credit. At the top of the page it should say, "You are supporting: Scout Noah D". If anyone is having trouble with this, please comment below and I can try to help out so we make sure he gets credit for any sale. If you can't afford anything, then that's totally ok! Try to pass the link along to a friend. Cub Scout stuff can get expensive, but it's such a great way for him to meet other kids and do normal boy things! :)

Here's the long link for copy/pasting purposes.
http://www.trails-end.com/shop/scouts/email_referral.jsp?id=28630577

Again, I don't normally flat out ask for stuff like this, but I want to help my sister out! Thanks everyone.

As for me, I'm currently writing up a big blog post. Not sure if I'll have the courage to actually publish it, but we will see. It is extremely personal and will be a shocker to most of my readers.